


Artistic License

by ineptshieldmaid, Trojie



Series: A True and Most Venerable Account of Certain Conversations Taking Place Aboard the Dawn Treader, During the Reign of King Caspian X, and During the Second Visitation of King Edmund and Queen Lucy to Narnia In Our Days [1]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-29
Updated: 2010-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineptshieldmaid/pseuds/ineptshieldmaid, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trojie/pseuds/Trojie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's warm onboard ship, and Lucy decides to investigate Caspian's shipboard library. Unfortunately for Caspian this involves his collection of gentleman's literature ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Artistic License

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** If Lewis weren't already dead, he would have just died of shock, and it would have been the fault of the the first line of dialogue.
> 
> This is further evidence that Ineptshieldmaid and Trojie really ought not to be left alone and unsupervised.
> 
> **Podfic:** Inept has recorded this fic in MP3 format. You can download the file [from the audiofic archive](http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/artistic-license).

Edmund glanced up from examining Drinian's maps as Caspian made his way across the cabin and rapped at Lucy's door. There was a muffled assent from within, but no sooner had Caspian swung open the door than he backed out again, his face beet red.

'Edmund. There's a naked girl in my bunk reading _The History of the Kings and Queens of Narnia_.'

'Would the naked girl be my chit of a sister?' Edmund asked, getting up. He went into the cabin and shut the door firmly behind him.

Lucy- yes, stark naked- looked up brightly. 'Hello Ed! Awfully hot day, isn't it? Have you seen Caspian? He put his head in here a moment ago and then disappeared again.'

'I wonder why that was,' said Edmund sardonically. 'Lu, you're starkers. You don't think that might have given Caspian just the tiniest hint of a surprise?'

Lucy glanced down at herself in surprise. 'Well, it's hot,' she said, by way of explanation. 'And it's not as if I've got breasts or anything yet.' She gestured vaguely at her chest, which was, indeed, bereft of feminine adornment.

'I think that's probably beside the point for our royal cousin,' said Edmund, making Lucy budge over and inspecting her pile of books. 'Can't you wear one of his long tunics like a dress and go sit on the fighting top or something, instead of sitting naked in this sweltering cabin and traumatising any unwary souls who come in?' He peered at the book on top of the heap. 'Why are you reading this, anyway? You know exactly what went on the Golden Age: Peter conquered people, Susan flirted with them, and you and I went around and cleaned up their messes.'

Lucy stared at him. 'I can't take books up on the fighting top,' she said, as if this ought to be perfectly obvious. Edmund wondered why Caspian had brought books on a sea voyage anyway: it was hardly the safest place for parts of the valuable royal library.

'Besides,' Lucy said, 'that one is a fantastic read. Did you know that Freeman Bram held you hostage at Beaversdam for three months?'

'He most certainly did _not_.' Edmund flipped the book open, and whistled. 'Hullo, they've invented the printing press, have they?'

'Apparently.'

Edmund kept reading. 'According to this, he was your lover while holding me hostage?'

Lucy giggled. 'Don't be silly. I never liked the man in the slightest.'

'No. As I recall, you had him executed, didn't you?'

'Executed him myself,' Lucy declared, with a note of satisfaction in her voice. 'You tried him, but the victim wanted him dead by my hand.'

Edmund stared at the book for a moment. 'I forget- who was the victim? It looks from this as if it was _me_, but I'm sure I'd remember that.'

Lucy titled her head to one side. 'He was a highwayman. You remember that part, yes?'

Edmund nodded assent, and Lucy went on: 'You tried him and fined him, what, four times? And brought him to execution when he seduced the young daughter of one of your retainers and held her hostage.'

'That sounds about right,' said Edmund, squinting at the pages. 'All of this reminiscing about you killing people, fun though it is, isn't explaining why you're reading in a stuffy cabin, in the altogether, rather than outside in the fresh air.'

This time Lucy _smirked_ at him. 'You wouldn't _believe_ some of the books Caspian has in here.'

Edmund chuckled tolerantly. 'What, _The Lay of Queen Lucy_? The _History of the Order of the Valiant_?'

Lucy giggled, and dropped a large leather-bound tome into his hands. 'No, silly. _This_.'

Edmund flipped the book open, and raised an eyebrow. 'Well.'

'Well?'

'I can't say I'm entirely surprised,' said Edmund, idly thumbing through the already rather well-thumbed pages. 'It really is rather careless of him to take a book like this on a dangerous sea voyage, though.' Which it was. It was a positive work of _art_.

Lucy grinned, and flicked over another few pages. 'There was a bookmark in here.'

'Clearly, Caspian is a connoisseur of the engraver's art,' murmured Edmund. 'And an eager student.'

'You'd think that such an inquiring mind would have deduced that on-board a ship is not the best place for such a valuable piece,' said Lucy. 'But clearly he is too fond of it to be parted from it for long.'

At that point, Edmund remembered where he was: in a stuffy cabin, with his little sister, who was _stark naked_ (best not to think about that part too hard), examining King Caspian's collection of... erotic art.

He snapped the book shut with rather more force than its age and expense warranted. 'If he's so fond of it, he oughtn't to leave it lying around where _little girls_ could find it.'

Before Lucy could say anything, Edmund had picked the book up and marched out of the cabin. She hurriedly wriggled into the garments to hand, and rushed outside, to find Edmund and Caspian having a heated but whispered discussion near the bow, and the sailors attempting to work and not look like they were eavesdropping. Edmund waved the book at Caspian, his face furious. Caspian looked sheepish.

'- just leave these kinds of things around for anyone to _find_, Caspian!'

'I-'

'What kind of voyage did you think this would _be_?'

'Perhaps a less-populated one?' asked Lucy, seeing that Caspian was crimson with shame and didn't seem capable of finding an answer. 'Don't be an ass, Edmund.'

Edmund glowered at his sister. She didn't know what was and wasn't good for her. Although possibly she had a considerably better idea now, thanks to Caspian's educational bookshelves.

Caspian held out his hand. 'My apologies, King Edmund. I will see to it that the book in question is stored somewhere more discreet.'

Edmund handed the book over, with some reluctance. Caspian clearly could not be trusted with that sort of thing.

'It is, ah, excellent artwork,' he remarked, as Caspian took the book. 'Fascinating use of line, and, er, colour.'

'I always thought so,' murmured Caspian, tucking the book into one large hand and putting that behind his back. 'Do you also, ah, appreciate art, King Edmund?'

'When I have the chance,' Edmund demurred. 'I think you would appreciate some of the artwork of the period we call the Renaissance, in our world. Sadly, art is not a subject much favoured in our schools for boys.'

'I particularly like Michelangelo's _David_,' piped up Lucy, grinning. 'Although I suspect that Raphael's depiction of the same character might be more to your tastes, Caspian,' she added.

Edmund blinked. It was awfully easy to forget Lucy was there, at times. While Caspian was frowning and demanding to know who David was, and Michelangelo, and why he, Caspian, would be expected to like them, Edmund grasped his sister firmly by the shoulder and attempted to hustle her away.

'That's enough now, Lucy, awfully nice to see you've put clothes on, how do you feel about climbing the rigging, won't that be fun?' Lucy stared at him, the sort of stare which said he'd just done something she was never going to let him forget.

'Or, look, there's Reepicheep!' Edmund gave Lucy a pleading sort of look and pushed her gently in the Mouse's direction. Her expression changed to one that he knew, from long experience with Susan, meant 'We will be having WORDS about this later', but she went to accost the Mouse, and left the two kings to their conversation.

'You know,' Edmund said, looking seriously out at the waves, 'I think that excellent work of literature you have there is based on a much older Calormene work. Quite a classic, even in our day.'

Caspian nodded, equally seriously. 'I have an earlier version at home, which I believe you might like to see. It's a direct copy of Tarkhaan Kh'arshash's personal illustrated _Garden of Succulent Fruits_, made for my ancestor Caspian the Conqueror.'

'Ah, really?' Edmund snuck a side look at Caspian, whose red blush had for the most part faded, and was lingering around his ears. 'I should very much like to see it.'

Caspian's cheeks showed pink spots again. 'If we ever make it back from this voyage, I should be delighted to, ah, introduce it to you.'

'And if we do not make it back?' Edmund asked nonchalantly.

'Then I should be sorely disappointed.' Caspian leaned forward, one hand on the rail, the hand with the book in it brushing up close against Edmund's. 'Ah, well, I judge by your concern for your sister's well-being that you, King Edmund, are aware of the, ah, delicate nature of the subject of this fine collection.'

'And so is Lucy, now, no thanks to you,' Edmund said tartly.

'That, truly, was an oversight,' said Caspian a little shamefacedly. 'I shall move it down to our hold directly.'

'I fear that that would only end with my cousin finding it, and I suspect that he is no patron of the arts,' said Edmund.

'Perhaps I should ask Captain Drinian to take care of my, ah, literature, for me,' Caspian offered.

Edmund frowned. 'He doesn't strike me as the type of man to have a fine taste in art.'

'Oh, you would be surprised,' Caspian said, with fervour. Edmund found he didn't like Drinian very much, and thought that Drinian certainly should not be trusted with works of fine art.

'Perhaps it would be best to be discreet with this,' he said, reaching for the book. 'As you know, I came on board with very little in the way of possessions, and I'm sure I can find space in my sea-chest for a book.'

Caspian relinquished the book reluctantly, looking everywhere but at Edmund's face. 'Perhaps, if you have an interest in art, you would appreciate such commentary as I can provide? I am familiar with a number of works of this genre, and if you felt your appreciation of the book would benefit from my input...'

'That is generous of you,' said Edmund, clapping one hand on Caspian's shoulder. 'After all, scholarship prospers from discussion.'

Caspian looked slightly at a loss for a moment, and then extended his hand. Edmund took it, and found his own hand clasped and shaken, Caspian regarding him seriously all the while.

'I should delight to discuss art with you, at any time,' Caspian assured him.

Edmund gave Caspian's hand a squeeze and extricated himself. 'Now,' he said, 'I had better see about stowing this somewhere secure.'


End file.
